Eight or nine years ago a situation would repeat itself often... I would be leaving college to drive to my apt and a certain professor would also be leaving to drive to his home... and in the privacy of my car I would say out loud to myself, "I'm going to marry that man!" No human ever heard those words come from my mouth. It was a thought I pondered on my own.
Fall of 2002, several months after graduating, that professor asked me out on a date and our relationship moved from friends to a dating relationship... I thought God was fulfilling that statement I said to myself in my car. But after eight months of dating, it was clear that he was not the man for me. Our lives were not headed in the same direction. He said he was too "single"... to independent. Yet, on one occasion he told me that if he ever married, he thought he'd marry me... that statement shaped the "romantic aspect" of the next five years of my life.
For the next five plus years I waited for God to change him... I made every decision (or waited on making decisions) with the thought "what if he changes"... but he didn't change. Finally I realized I had my life on hold waiting for him, when God wanted me to move forward into the abundance He had for me as His daughter. I cut off all communication with him, and purposefully started to ask the Lord what He wanted to do in and through me. I learned how to have authentic friendships with girlfriends and invested in them, I joined my church, I bought a house, and I fell in love with Jesus in new ways and learned to dance with Him! I continued to pray that God would change his life, but I let go and moved on. I told the Lord I was closing the door on the relationship and the only way it would open was if HE, God, opened it! The one and a half years that followed were times of tremendous growth. Most of the previous entries in this blog were written during that time. The Lord did awesome things in my life and I give Him ALL glory for it!
When I got a call on November 13, 2008 saying that this man had had a massive stroke, I was in absolute shock. One of my initial thoughts in the 24 hours that followed was, "God, I prayed you would change him, but THIS??" In the few weeks that followed I very specifically remember asking God to show me my role in all of it. He enabled me to be there as a friend, something I never thought I'd be able to be. Through some ups and downs, times of great learning, God enabled me to guard my heart, yet give love and compassion freely to he and his parents. And I continued to pray that God would lead this man into a deeper relationship with Himself... into an abundant life in Christ.
Let me go back and say that I've had a list, or maybe I'd call it notes, on the ways God would have to change this man in order for anything to change in our interaction and relationship. The list is rather specific. As the months went on following the stroke and I continued to be a friend and guard my heart, God started to give me glimpses into changes He was making in this man's life. It was truly remarkable. Slowly I started to realize I was mentally checking things off of my list. He was becoming the man I had dreamed about... a man who knows that pursuing God above all else is most important, a strong spiritual leader who devours God's Word, a man who deals with areas of weakness and seeks the Lord's forgiveness, a man who is bold enough to challenge me to know God better... and the list goes on...
And then, he started to pursue me... WHAT JOY it is to be pursued by a godly man!
The pursuit has continued... he has apologized and asked my forgiveness for the past - for the ways he hurt me, mostly unknowingly... and he has called my mom and apologized and asked her forgiveness! Our relationship and communication is amazing... far beyond what it ever was in the past!
And so, over ten years after first journaling that I might have a crush on a certain professor, I think I might actually marry the man. Two years ago I think I would have told you that I was almost positive God had a different plan for me. I never imagined the plan He had.
What a story... there is so much more than I've even written tonight...
Not sure I would have chosen this path if I was choosing ahead of time... but I am so thankful for the path God has chosen. God has done and is doing above and beyond what I thought was possible... "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." Eph. 3:20
It's not easy to trust... not easy to let Him have control... but it's exciting to see what He does when we allow Him to work his mighty power in us.
What might the future hold???
